Classroom Comedy: Kids ARE the darndest things! :)

Well, the students are back.  And up to their usual fun and funny stuff:)  You gotta love a job that provides you with non-stop laughs.

The Background:  We are currently studying Lewis and Clark and their journey.  We have discussued important aspects of their journey.  We have used symbollism to make connections to those aspects.

I made a box that they had to pull items out of.  They couldn’t see in the box.  They had to be brave.  We talked about how that mirrored Lewis and Clark.

One of the items in the box was a fake flower.  I asked what it might represent.  They said nature, plants, newly discovered plants, the edible nuts and berries they ate to sustain them on their journey, and trees.  Big trees. 

I asked why big trees were so important to their journey.

The Laugh:  One of my students promptly yelled out “For bathrooms.”

The Background:  My students were working in partners on math.  It ended up that this one little guy who has some trouble with math (and school in general, who was purposely paired a another little guy that was good in math) had already completed part of the assignment on accident.  (Obviously, part of him not doing well in school is that he has trouble with directions.) 

Anyway, so I suggested he sit and “help” the other guy catch up (who really needed no help at all but at least they would be discussing math). 

A few problems later, the boy who is good in math asked me a question that really could have been answered by his partner.  They were sitting close and just asked it from where they sat.  I looked up and said, “Well why don’t you just ask your partner?  He can help you.”  (wanting to give the little guy with math issues some self-esteem).

The Laugh:  The little guy with the math problems looked right at me and said sure.  And then he WINKED at me.  Twice!

Had I been anywhere else, like a restaurant or Walmart, I would have thought it to be very inappropriate.  But, I was in my classroom.  And for one of the few times in my life, I was speechless.

I don’t think he meant it inappropriately.  But it sure was  . . . well, I guess I am still speechless.

Today I wore dark brown tights and camel colored microsuede skirt.  When I got home and changed into something comfy, I found tiny balls of camel colored microsuede embedded in my brand new great feeling tights.

I picked them off the best I could but I was reminded of last year and the “ordeal.”

We got lice in my classroom.  They popped around.  First one child, then another.  We spent the entire fall and winter battling lice.  It spread from one classroom to another.  (Cause you know they are friends with other kids in other classes and they spend the night, etc.)

Us teachers were freaking out.  We wore buns and braids.  Our sofas were off limits and covered with sheets.  We threw out pillows and rugs.  But nothing helped.  Two of us dye our hair so we were told we were REALLY OK.  (It didn’t soothe our minds)  We itched and called each other on the phone and scratched and wrinkled our noses.  We all panicked.

The kids got their hair cut.  They bathed regularly.  From September to January once every month, each class in fourth grade had an appointment to visit the school nurse.

The first few months we were all so hopeful and then devastated when we still got reports of lice. (always nits, never live)

The relief we all felt when we all finally passed our monthly lice check was strange.  We kinda didn’t believe it.  We just knew SOMEONE had gotten through and been missed.  But, no.  It was finally over.  The months of itching and scratching were soon replaced with summer skirts and no coats. 

And while this post isn’t about a particularly funny student, it is about a peculiar and funny time of my teaching career.  My first experience with lice in the classroom.  Funny.  Now.

Thank goodness I remain anonymous!  After writing this, I gotta go itch.

So my last blog got me to remembering when I taught third grade, which happened awhile back so I can laugh at this one.  At that point in time, we used to study the Native American Indians.  We also studied their natural resources, so therefore we also studied bison / buffalo.

The Background:  I found the most perfect video (in the teacher video library to show to classrooms) put out by one of those fantastic nature video producers called something like “Buffalo of the Plains.”  I was so excited as many of my children really didn’t have a clue about them and I thought it would be the perfect enhancement to learning about the Plains Indians and their culture.

The Laugh: The movie was outstanding.  We stopped about halfway through though.  I explained that the buffalo were “fighting”  and in case one of them got hurt, I didn’t want the kids to have to see that.

I am sure many of the children thought it was an odd position for the bison to be fighting in.

Sometimes something so horrible happens, people view it as funny.  But not when it happens to you.  So, this is for your enjoyment, not mine.

Background 1:  Today my children had earned a special day.  They discussed and voted and we ended up with MOVIE DAY.  All subjects were done as movies, meaning for reading, we watched a movie that had been a book (Remember Patience Whipple from the Dear America Series).  For math, we watched 2 short movies on graphing (which were excellent and is exactly what we are doing in math right now).  For science, I splurged a bit and we watched a Discovery Streaming video completed unrelated to our curriculum but of historical and high scientific interest (we watched a movie about all the Apollo Missions up to the moon landing).  They were highly interested.  For writing, we watched an interview with an author, Phyllis Reynolds Naylor (author of Shiloh, etc.)  It was off to an excellent start. 

Background 2:  At about 10 minutes into the Ms. Naylor movie, the principal came in quietly, as he was just “making rounds.”  When he saw who and what we were watching he exclaimed, “MY FAVORITE AUTHOR!  I LOVE THIS AUTHOR!  I HAD MY PICTURE TAKEN WITH HER.  SHE’S GREAT!”

At that exact moment, we had to stop the movie and most of the kids left for violin class, all wondering why that was his favorite author.  He left and brought down a file folder.  (I knew why it was his favorite author)  Inside the folder, which I shared with the children the minute they returned from violin, were his pictures with her, a large brochure, and various newspaper clippings. 

Our prinicipal had actually BEEN IN THE MOVIE, as an extra.  (This isn’t a widely known fact because his “extra” part was a gruff, unshaved man standing at the local tavern, so I don’t think he wants that message portrayed widely )

So, the kids were all excited and interested and we continued to watch the interview.  Ms. Naylor told three stories from when she was a child, and then read a few pages from the Shiloh book that actually showed how she had woven her real life experiences into the Shiloh story.  Which is exactly what we are working on in writing workshop!

It couldn’t have been more perfect.

We continued to watch the interview.  She began talking about an “Alice” series that I had never heard of.  She explained how the next book (yes this is an old video) was going to be about Alice and her friend and their most embarrassing moments and secrets. 

The hackles went up on the back of my neck.  I thought “Hmm, I’m going to grab the remote, just in case.” 

The Laugh:  She proceeded to tell the interviewer (and my fourth graders) that the friend character’s most embarrassing secret was that her parents were getting a divorce.  At this point in time, I breathed a sigh of relief.  Some of my kids can relate to that – it’s okay.  But, I was too quick.  The next sentence she started talking about how Alice’s big embarassing secret was that she had never seen a boy naked. 

I just about died and clicked off the video and said, “Okay, we are done with this video,” as I walked to the front of the room.  But I didn’t want to send the wrong message to the children so I tried to cover and explain that authors write about things so they can connect with kids and help them feel like they aren’t alone or weird. 

At this point, none of my girls will even look at me and the boys are all red-faced and I just knew they were thinking, “Girls want to see naked boys??” 

I just wanted to die.  I’m freaking out, the kids are freaking out, and my sweetest most wonderful (boy)child in the room says, “I don’t think she should have been embarrassed by that.”  And I basically ignored him, wanting to be done and move on to some animal movie where my children will be distracted.

Laugh 2: All this catastrophe from the author that my principal had just been RAVING about!

So, just in case there were any parent phone calls, I told him about it at the end of the day.  The first words out of his mouth were, “Why didn’t you preview it??”

Laugh 3:  I said, “This is in the teacher video library to show to classes.  It is from 1986.  Surely somebody has seen/watched it in 22 years and could have had it removed or at least left a note!”

Oy vey!  What a mess.  So on my way home, I call my teammate (who was out sick today) to tell her.  She is rolling on the floor laughing, because she knows how much I hate the fact that fourth grade is the year we show the puberty video and I always get all uptight and freaked out about.  I mentioned that they were probably all thinking about the video and she said, “No, that won’t come till later on this evening as they sit and wonder, hmm” as she is laughing hysterically.

Seems like the pubery video came 4 months early this year.  UGH.

I have a child in my room who spends most of his day in a self-contained classroom.  When he is in my room, he is a great delight and often brightens many peoples’ day.  He also has a full-time aide when he is in my room.  His aide is a very kind younger girl who works very well with him.

The Background:  One day (now realize I have fourth graders who are 9 and 10) he reaches over and pokes his aide’s breast and says, “What’s that?”  And he really truly doesn’t know.  She patiently says, “That’s my personal space and you can’t touch my body or my personal space without asking.”  He seems okay with this answer.

The Laugh:  After a short contemplation he asked her, “Do you put them on in the morning?”

So I told you a little while ago about getting 22 projects all with the same title, “George Washington Carver” and then I told you we worked on improving our titles

So I was going through them to hang on the board (yes, I am a bit slow with this project) and one student clearly didn’t get it.

The Background:  The students had to list important events (not necessarily in order but they needed to be grouped somehow).  They could use a timeline, or any other software, such as a powerpoint, etc.  It was their choice.  Then they also had to list THEIR FEELINGS or THOUGHTS about the event.  Okay, so far so good.

The Laugh:  I noticed on the smack dab front of one of the projects (right below the GWC title) in parenthesis, one of the students wrote, “(Dates may not be completely accurate.)”   ??????  I don’t think he got it

So I recently got an email from a parent.  It seems that out at recess, the children have come up with a civilization type of game. 

The email stated that her child had been evicted from her “home” (a patch of land out on the playground)and had all her “money” (nuts) stolen.  The thief was currently renting a home to her child.  Her child, being the kind person she was, had also taken in someone else who was in the same situation. 

It seems that the rent was due and the two girls would be homeless by the end of the week if they didn’t come up with four nuts.  And mom was pretty concerned about her becoming “homeless” at recess.

(Now would be a really good time to head to the bathroom because you might not make it if you keep reading.)

So, mom (now realize, this is all in a very lengthy email) had gone scavenging for nuts in their neighborhood that she could give to her daughter.  She had brought them up to school during the school day.  She was kind of worried that they weren’t the same type of nuts being used and was hoping they would still be worth something to the children playing and could be used to “boost the economy.”  She was really hoping to avoid her child becoming homeless. 

You just can’t make this stuff up.

One of my students was so inspired by blogging, she created this little “scene” using what she said was, “a doll that looked like her.” 

Now, this IS funny

So I work very hard to stay on topic.  There are about a million things I could comment on but I try to really stick to the humor and fun side of teaching.  That said, the blog is about kids though.  And while my 3 year old niece isn’t school age (even though she would love to be and wants me to be her teacher ) I still consider her “fair game.”  She’s a “children” and she’s funny.

Background:  So she went to her very first wedding this weekend.  We explained all about weddings and brides and marriage (as best we could).  This was an outdoor wedding, and while the day was beautiful, it was a smidge chilly with the breeze and in the shade (they actually had a large stone fireplace in the pavillion that was going and it was beautiful).  My niece loves dresses and this was the first time she ever wore tights (that she remembered).

Laugh 1: She loved them and commented how soft they were and then told her mommy, “I really like these socks.” 

Laugh 2:  Later on, instead of tights, she began calling them “tighty whiteys” (hmm, she must have heard that from her dad)

Laugh 3:  Upon meeting a little 4 year old girl to play with at the wedding, their very first conversation was all about . . . THEIR TIGHTS!

“I have on tighty whiteys.  Mine are soft.”

“I have on black ones.  I like mine.” 

Now, really, sometimes being a girl and talking about girl things is just born into you!  I even got a picture of them discussing their tights.  (which I am sorry I can’t share – too much face)  It was just a hoot!