Classroom Comedy: Kids ARE the darndest things! :)

Today I wore dark brown tights and camel colored microsuede skirt.  When I got home and changed into something comfy, I found tiny balls of camel colored microsuede embedded in my brand new great feeling tights.

I picked them off the best I could but I was reminded of last year and the “ordeal.”

We got lice in my classroom.  They popped around.  First one child, then another.  We spent the entire fall and winter battling lice.  It spread from one classroom to another.  (Cause you know they are friends with other kids in other classes and they spend the night, etc.)

Us teachers were freaking out.  We wore buns and braids.  Our sofas were off limits and covered with sheets.  We threw out pillows and rugs.  But nothing helped.  Two of us dye our hair so we were told we were REALLY OK.  (It didn’t soothe our minds)  We itched and called each other on the phone and scratched and wrinkled our noses.  We all panicked.

The kids got their hair cut.  They bathed regularly.  From September to January once every month, each class in fourth grade had an appointment to visit the school nurse.

The first few months we were all so hopeful and then devastated when we still got reports of lice. (always nits, never live)

The relief we all felt when we all finally passed our monthly lice check was strange.  We kinda didn’t believe it.  We just knew SOMEONE had gotten through and been missed.  But, no.  It was finally over.  The months of itching and scratching were soon replaced with summer skirts and no coats. 

And while this post isn’t about a particularly funny student, it is about a peculiar and funny time of my teaching career.  My first experience with lice in the classroom.  Funny.  Now.

Thank goodness I remain anonymous!  After writing this, I gotta go itch.

Well, here I am world.  And already I have made a mistake and, of course, it is funny.  Maybe it’s being a teacher, or maybe it’s just me, but it seems like funny things are always happening.  In my whole life.  And I don’t mean funny like weird.  I mean funny like ROFL and running to the bathroom hope I can make it funny.  So, I thought I would share some of these hilarious happenings, with the focus being my classroom and students from previous years.  Obviously, all names are fake.  As a side note to teachers: please do not correct my grammar.  hehe   I am doing this for fun.

So, my first funny mistake -

When you type the word “darndest” the r and the n tend to run together and look like an M, so it really makes the title sound like I am cussing out kids!  Oops!  So not me.  Ah well, I will learn as I blog.

I have been collecting these funny little sayings and happenings since my very first year after graduation.  It was at that time I became a kindergarten aide.  There was so much I laughed at and shared with others, I began writing them all down and shoving them in a file, with the intention of writing a book someday (after I retire) and making a ton of money.  With the creation of blogs, who needs a publisher???  So my first story will be my most memorable of all my teaching years.

Background A:  It was my third year teaching and I taught third grade.  At the end of the day in third grade, students fill out planners to help them keep track of their homework.  Every day I faithfully write the assignments next to each subject.  Then to make sure the students have copied it correctly (since this is their first year doing this) I personally initial every child’s planner. 

Background B:  My husband is Native American.  Having discussed this with him extensively, he doesn’t feel offended being referred to as Indian.  The subject comes up often in my class when teaching Native Americans and I explain to third graders about political correctness and how it really depends on the individual and their preferences.  Hence, I oftentimes refer to Native Americans as Indians.

The Set UP:  One afternoon in November, pack up time was pretty hectic.  The students had been writing in their planners for three months and doing a spectacular job.  There was some kind of end of the day emergency which I don’t remember (somebody needed a bus pass, someone didn’t know how they were getting home, etc.).  Anyway, it resulted in me not writing the one assignment on the board.  I verbally told the children to write “Indian Worksheet” in their planner next to the social studies subject line.

The Laugh:  One of my dear sweet little third grade girls wrote her homework down as “Indian Shit” not realizing that sheet is spelled with two e’s instead of an i.  When she brought it to me to sign I could barely contain myself.